hope is a thing with feathers....

I am tired. But for the first time in a long time I am not emotionally tired or mentally tired, this is just a physically tired feeling. For the first time in a long time I feel like things are starting to swing my way. I don't want to go into too much detail for fear of jinxing anything, so hopefully after tomorrow I will be able to elaborate on this good thing that I feel is finally coming to me. Like I said in my last blog or the one before, I need to make a change. I am trying that. Summer is giving me all the time that I need to make some personal changes and I am taking full advantage of that time.

Father's Day just passed. I always have a hard place in my heart for that special day. Not because I lost my father and pray that that won't happen anytime soon, but I have a hard spot in my heart relating to my daughter. I have said this before and will continue to say it, but being in the situation I am in with my daughter is the best for me and for her. Yes, I would love for her to have a "dad" in her life on a regular basis, but as I see it now and probably for a really long time that will not happen. So, not only am I the mother, I am also the father. Yes, it is hard. Yes, I wish things were different. No, I would not trade playing both roles for anything. It will be hard to let someone in my life who wants to take the reigns and take care of me and my daughter, and it will be hard for me to let someone take care of Kalyn and me. So on that note, I am ready. I am so ready for all that comes with being in that place. I have waited, I have prayed, I have worked, I have been patient. And now, I think, I pray, I believe it all might have paid off. I am keeping my fingers crossed this time. It's so funny how quickly things change. Jobs change, friends change, lives change, but feelings about a person rarely change. You might disagree and challenge me on that statement, but how is it that a person someone knew and cared about almost ten years ago can suddenly reappear and it is possible to go straight back to those feelings you had all those years ago?