The meaning of happiness...

This is my meaning of happiness...

Kalyn Jaye is THE most amazing gift anyone could have ever given me. Being a mom is one of those things I didn't expect to happen until later in life after I had a stable job, I had a nice home, and a husband who would be there with me in raising our child. My how things change, rearrange, and how things work. I have one of the three, 25%, that isn't bad. But am I happy with that? Who would be? But what I can say that I am happy with is the life that I have made for myself and Kalyn. She will never have to experience a life without love, without family, without clothes on her back, without a roof over her head. Yes, I struggle on a day to day basis, but who doesn't? Your struggle may just a bit different than mine.

I never thought I would be a single mother. I even hate using that label "single mother". It carries such negative connotations. Not only does it directly state that I am the sole provider for my child, but it also implies that I am "single". Which in every sense of the word, I am. I am a single, 31-year-old mother of one raising an 8 year old. This 8 year old has given me so much joy and happiness since she came along that I don't even feel bad for being the sole provider or the single mother. This just means I get her all to myself. I don't have to share her, I don't have to put her through the stress of living two separate lives, I don't have to compete for her attention and love.

Kalyn happened, she was not planned by any stretch of the imagination. I was not prepared; I was not ready; I was still somewhat of a child myself. But I am thankful that I was not like one of the fifteen or twenty girls walking the halls of this school whom are either carrying a child inside them or already have one at home. I was 22. I had family support. It took time, but the support, love, and acceptance finally came. The funny thing about that statement is now the person who was the hardest to tell about the unexpected pregnancy AND the biracial child is now the person asking for more grandbabies! Go figure!

It is funny how things work out in life. Is this where I would have been if I had not had Kalyn eight years ago? I honestly don't believe so. But things change, things rearrange, and more often than not, they turn out better than expected! I may not be 100% all of the time with my life (mainly when it comes to the material things in life), but I can tell you that I am truly happy 100% of the time when it comes to my child. Looking at her, watching her laugh, listening to her read gives me happiness and joy.