If you really knew me...

So today I caught myself watching If You Really Knew Me, a show on MTV that I have tried to stay away from due to various reasons. The thing that caught my eye and forced me to watch was the fact was it this episode was filmed at Putnam City West High School in Oklahoma City. Being close to home I felt I couldn't just pass the channel and act like I didn't see what I had seen. 

Without delving into the specifics of the show, the premise is one to bring a school together by allowing students to share personal secrets/stories knowing they are in a safe place and free of judgment. The program has a Challenge Day when the students face each other, voice their secrets/stories each of them has been hiding, and vows to overcome the judging, the racism, the bigotry, the sexism, etc. It's this part of the show that brings the students involved, teachers involved, and viewers to tears alike. So needless to say, I was fighting back the tears as I watched this show. If I had been in the room alone, the weatherman might have issued a flash flood warning, but since Kalyn was watching a little bit with me, I bit my lip, gripped the chair, and fought off the tears. These kids shared secrets that range from their sexuality, to feeling guilty and faulted for a close friends' death, to being raised by a grandmother because he has no idea if his homeless mother is dead or alive, and even one student who couldn't find a way to connect at all due to her pretty average and normal upbringing. 

These are teens. 

These are teens...17 and 18 years old....

I'm 33, and I have days where I think my life is rough. My life is not rough. Yes, I am a single mother. Does that make my life rough? No. I've been doing this for nine years, and I'm still standing. My parents have been married 35 years. I have not had a close friend die. I can't empathize with those students. I can't imagine living a life as tough as some of these kids. I can't imagine. 

The one statement that the creator of the If You Really Knew Me program asks students to finish, which makes it the most moving part of the show, is the "If you really knew me, you would know that..." This is the statement that forces those students to be completely honest with not only themselves but with those around them, some of whom they have never even spoken to in class, in the hall, at a game, etc. 

Can you finish that statement? Would you be willing to finish that statement without fear of judgment, isolation, hurt, losing friends, or losing loved ones? I don't know if I could comfortably finish that statement. With the answers that flash through my mind as I finish this statement, a tinge of anxiety sets in. I'm 33 and have anxiety about finishing that statement. These kids are 17-18 years old and are longing for people to care for them, which is probably the reason there is little embarrassment or apprehension about sharing their secrets. 

I can't help but think of how a project like this would go over at Arkansas City High School. I have doubts that our student body could  handle such a serious, life-changing, motivational event as the Challenge Day. 

And this is my struggle....

Some people come into our lives for just a moment, stay briefly, and then swiftly exit. Others come into our lives, lingering with a steady gait, and then slowly vanish. But then there are those people who come into our lives, take up residence, and never leave. I have encountered all three types of these people, and I believe each and every one of them has had a reason for their brief stay, leisurely visit, or their extended stay. The ones who come into our lives for that brief moment, whether it's only a couple of days, weeks, or months, are capable of touching our lives with the same magnitude as someone who has set up shop in our lives and refuse to leave.

So how do we decide who stays and who goes? Do we decide that or does the other party? What prompts someone to leave our lives so quickly, if not by death or some other tragic event?

I can safely say it's hard to let go of those people who just linger around and have no real purpose in our lives. Is it because they linger with no real rhyme or reason as to why they are still here, but we can still sense them hovering in their own special way? These are probably the ones who should have left long ago, yet here they remain. They don't cause harm; they don't really make their presence known on a regular basis; but, there they remain and are the ones we know we can count on in times of need. That is, until they decide they have overstayed their welcome and quietly leave. I am sure some people would call these people "dead weight" and are only in our lives to take up space on our hard drive. I am sure these people will someday exit, but it won't be by force.

The third kind of person who enters our lives is the one who will never leave, despite what we say or do. These are the people who, no matter what, will always remain a true and faithful friend. The downside of having a person(s) like this in our lives is that we often take advantage of these people. We know in the back of our mind that this person will never leave, therefore we think it's ok to take advantage of that friendship and sometimes shut them out when we feel they are not needed, but call them back in when we need them the most. (I keep using the pronoun "we" because I have experienced both sides of this coin.) So who is the truer friend? The one who remains faithful and sticks around even when they are not needed but refuses to leave, or the one who can maintain a friendship like this without hurting the other party? I can't imagine people who go through life without this type of friend or without being this type of friend. I consider myself a good friend, no, check that, a great friend. Yes, I'm sure there are people in my life who would like to disagree, but I think I have a few friends who might agree...just a little.

So where do we categorize those people who are in our lives not by choice, but are here due to the unplanned-for circumstances that we call life? Where do they fit? It's obvious this type of person will always be a part of our lives because there is another life involved, but these may be the same kinds of people who we never really planned on being a "lifer" and just expected them to be only here for a short time. It's hard to let go of these people. As much as we want to kick them out, tell them to take a hike and get the hell on, it's much easier said than done. And from personal experience, it also seems this is the person who has hurt us numerous times, yet here they remain. The direct relationship between the two individuals may not be toxic, but it's the company this person carries that leads to the toxicity of the relationship. Do we severe ties due to outside forces who keep reeking havoc? Do we write the final chapter of that book and start another and act as if that chapter never existed? Is it that easy? In my case....it's not.

It's hard to let go of things that happen to us in the past, or at least for me it is. Closure seems to be the thing that we need to really erase this person from our lives, but do we really want to erase this person, or do we want to simply erase all the bad memories of this person? Is it possible to separate the person from the memories of this person? And this is my struggle.....

People come into your life
for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON. . .
It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are!
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part,
or at an inconvenient time, this person will say
or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.

Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered.
And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON....
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons
: things you must build upon in order to have
a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

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