Tis' easier to forgive than to forget, tis' not? Well, really, I have no idea because I can't seem to do either one of those for some things that have happened in my life. By no means have I had a terrible upbringing that left me with so many emotional scars that I can hardly function, but I have faced some bumps in the road that I need to just plow down so I can lay some new foundation on those spots in my soul.
Last night I sat down to do my nightly reading in one of the three books I am currently trying to simultaneously complete in order to give me some direction in life and help me find some answers to many of tricky scenarios that life throws at each of us, but anyways, the chapter was about getting rid of the junk in your trunk. Now, first off, that phrase still makes me laugh as it did the author too. I won't digress and explain the meaning of what it is to have junk in the trunk (if you don't know then I suggest you go to urbandictionary.com and take a gander), but the meaning of it in this particular book is getting rid of all those things in our lives that seem to be weighing us down making it difficult to move on from those emotional scars that were made so long ago. Needless to say, this was a chapter where I highlighted a number of passages that "spoke" to me. I have junk in my trunk. In order to move on to and give myself to another person I have to unload all that junk so I am fully ready to replace it with new memories, new love, and focus on being a new me.
So that is why I ask if it is harder to forgive or to forget, or are those one in the same? I started a list last night after my reading of some of the "junk" I still carry with me. On this list I included several things that make it hard for me to trust another person, things that make it hard for me to fully internalize that I am worthy of having all that I deserve and what God wants to me have, things that make it difficult for me to look at myself and know that I am a good person. I know all that junk is there, but I need to find a place to unload it. I have already been guilty of unloading some of that junk onto someone else who doesn't deserve to punished for things that happened in my past.
Forgiveness, to me, is a work in progress and does nothing for the person whom I am forgiving. So I am working on forgiveness. I should have done it a long time ago, but I am at a crossroads in my life and starting to realize I can't live with the weight of this "junk" and the hurt that someone caused so long ago. I am not getting any younger, and I don't want to spend the next thirty years of my life with a heavy heart that might stand in the way of ever being able to fully commit to someone. I don't know if it is ever possible to forget, but forgiveness is something I need to make happen in order to get that junk out of my trunk.
1 comment:
First and foremost, I am sincerely sorry. I would never wish the pain and hurt you have been through on anyone. I don't know what your situations are, but I know that there is one who went through what you have, who felt your pain and burdens. He was tempted and tried- the sin, the pain, the burdens and broken hearts were all pressed upon Him. HE has felt your pain. He wants you to know that in the pain, there IS healing. When you feel the world has broken you down, His love will set you free. In His eyes, is your reflection- He sees you are looking for a purpose, He sees that you are looking for life.
"He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and assigns each a name. Our Lord is great, with limitless strength; we'll NEVER comprehend what he knows and does. God puts the fallen on their feet again and pushes the wicked into the ditch." Psalm 147:3-6
"Since God assured us, 'I'll NEVER let you down, never walk off and leave you,' we can boldly say, 'God is there, ready to help you forgive.'
Forgiveness is beautiful, because if it can be conquered, then love has victory!
I love you!
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