Bibbity Bobbity Boo!

I wish magic wands were real.

I wish fairy tales existed.

I believe in fairy tales, romantic movies, and happy endings. Cynicism hasn't got the best of me yet.....the operative word being yet.

I don't want to become a cynic about love but with each passing day, I find myself questioning life, happiness, and happy endings more and more. I watch romantic movies hoping that one day that happy ending will happen to me. I live in a fairytale world where the girl always gets the guy of her dreams, who just happens to be tall, dark, handsome, has his life in order, doesn't have any skeletons in the closet, isn't afraid of a commitment, etc. Some would say that does exist. Where may I ask? I am 33 and have yet to find anyone or anything close to what happens in Tyler Perry movies or those other romantic movies I watch. I need to venture out of my fantasy world and live a day in the real world. But wait, I live everyday in the real world. The real world of raising a child on my own. The real world of working a full-time job that requires more of my attention than it should. The real world where I want to give my daughter everything but have limited resources. So let's reverse that statement. I need to venture out of the real world and live a day in the fantasy world. There, that sounds better. Where's Tyler Perry when I need him? Is my life thus far movie worthy? Could he afford to fashion a movie after my somewhat uneventful life? I would watch it. But only if I knew the ending. Therein lies the problem with living in a fantasy/movie world. In a movie, I know how it's going to end. In my life, I have no idea. The only certainty at this point is death. That is the only certainty any of us know. So then, where is my magic wand?

One wish is all I need. Ok, well, maybe like three or four. 1. To see my life in twenty years from now. 2. To marry the man of my dreams (hopefully before the afore mentioned twenty years from now). And I will save wishes three and four for me. I can't be telling all my business! I think if I asked some of my friends this question, going back in time might be a wish they have. Not back in time, like in prehistoric, Elizabethan England, colonial times, but just back about ten years to the prime of our college years. Would our lives have changed if we would have made a different decision? Would we will still be where we are today if we had chosen differently, acted differently, or reacted differently those ten or eleven years ago?

 I have learned over time not to question why things happen. If we sit around questioning and worrying and wondering why this happened or why this didn't happen, it would add years to our lives. I don't know about anybody else, but I want those years added to my life not subtracted because I wasted time worrying and wondering if I could have changed anything.

I'm not going to lie, the thought does intrigue me. The thought does sometimes linger, where would I be if I would have stayed with that jackass boyfriend I wasted two years of my life on in college? Scary thought. Makes me cringe just thinking about it. But other thoughts, much more positive thoughts linger as well. Where would my life be right now if I had not had Kalyn? Would I be married? Would I be living where I am today? Would I be in the profession I am? Would I have kids? But we can't dwell on those "what if's." It's not healthy in any way - physically, mentally, or emotionally. We have to be able to see the bigger picture that's been placed before us. We have been given what we have as a gift. A gift that we shouldn't take for granted or every question if we even deserved this gift in the first place. I was given the gift of a child. For others it may be the gift of song, the gift of marriage (which I hope that present is still under the tree with my name on it and I just haven't opened it yet), the gift of wisdom, etc. We can't question. We have to accept it with pride and learn to live with it the best way we know how. It may not be what we wanted or expected, but there is a reason it (the gift) was given to each of us.

It took me a while to fully accept this school of thought, but once I did I was thankful. I'm confident my Prince Charming will come. I'm confident there is something more in store for me out there. But the part I struggle with is patience. Who knows, patience might be wish number 3!